I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
