We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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