U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize