when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
