goodnight i made you a song goodbye
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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