So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
