my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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