Cold hands, warm shart.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So squirting runs in the family.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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