if you like me you must not know who I am
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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