just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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