So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
