wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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