Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
