I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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