I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
