She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
