When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
