I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize