Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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