Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
