if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have aggressive nipples.
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