she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
two words: eviction party
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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