Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He did a backflip because drugs
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
