I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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