people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
