get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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