dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
