if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
