now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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