I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
