I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
