If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
