we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
