I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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