she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize