Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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