if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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