This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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