you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
