My entire life is one complicated drinking game
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Less talking, more tequila
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
