I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
