Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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