i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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