i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
