Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
