Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize