does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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