just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
