I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
