last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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