..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize