For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
