The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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