You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
