you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
