well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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