Kiss
Puke
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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