What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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