I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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