The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
