Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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