So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The adults are the big ones right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize