i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
