I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
