I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
