okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can tuck mytits in my pants
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
