Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize