A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
