I can text with my tongue
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
