Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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