How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
