super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
