the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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