no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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