Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
