I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
