I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
