If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
