Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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