Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
