i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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