i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
