I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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