i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
