My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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