i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
