It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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