my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
