Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize