in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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