can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
