Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
