9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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