and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
don't judge my taste in strippers
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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