Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
