Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize