cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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