ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
