He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
