I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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