dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
