in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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