seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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