We're facebook friends in real life
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
