I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
