The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
